CHAPTER 4: EJ’S VISIT

I slept at the hospital since Wednesday night and since then, I wasn’t able to see EJ. It’s a miracle that I was able to survive not holding him – although it was really hard and so much tears shed, I survived. EJ coped too. In the morning Joey would take care of him and send him off to school at around 10:30am. After school, his auntie Imee would pick him up and prepare dinner for him. Then his auntie Cathy would be there at around 7pm. Joey visits me before he goes to work and after work at night. Usually he eats lunch and dinner here with me. So since Wednesday I wasn’t able to hug my darling son. So Joey told me on Saturday, they’ll visit me. I just live each day by talking to him the moment he wakes up and before he goes to bed.

Saturday came and I took a bath early that morning and made sure my I.V. will finish early so when EJ’s here, I don’t have it anymore. By the way, everyday I have to have my I.V. for around 5-6hrs each day. They put it on everyday and when it’s done, take it out. So if you can see my hands now, it has those little holes in them! Grr… I don’t like that! It even got dislodged last time (on my left hand) so for a couple of days, I had to have my I.V. on my right hand which made me so uncomfortable because my left hand is untrained to do things. Oh well, just had to go through with this. As long as I’m in here, just need to submit to their expertise.

Going back to EJ… Well they came here around 12:30pm and when I saw him, he was all smiles and said “MAMA….” Even if he had his mask on, I saw his eyes smiling so sincerely and so happy. Well, if you know me, you know me well, you can tell my eyes were flooded with tears! I still had my I.V. on and we still haven’t asked the doctor if it’s ok for me to hug him. So all I could do was look at him, talk and play with him from a distance (around 2 feet distance). He was on the other bed actually. The hurting part was when he started to ask if he could sit on my lap and go to my bed. I wanted so much to hug him kiss him and play with him. But I can’t! It’s a terrible feeling not being able to express physically your love for your baby. I could tell he really missed my hugs and kisses.

At around 1:30pm my I.V. was removed and so we had some play time. Then a doctor came and we asked him if I could hold EJ. He said YES!!! As long as I don’t kiss him and EJ washed his hands after. Oh my God!!! I was so excited!!! So I hugged him really tight and of course again, tears, tears and more tears! With the doctor, teacher Cathy and auntie Cathy in the room, it was like they were watching a heavy drama and I was the best actress! Hihi… EJ was very sleepy already so I put him to sleep. Oh God it felt so gooooooood to finally have my baby in my arms. The moment he fell asleep Joey got him and put him to bed.

After 2 hours of deep sleep, we woke him up so they could go home. When he left, he just said, “Goodbye Mama”… The moment they walked out the door, of course again, tears, tears and more tears rolled down my cheeks. I guess when God gave tears away, I was at the front row so I got a whole bunch of them!

Well anyway, the night ended with more tears on my pillow. But those weren’t tears of desperation but rather tears of a mother missing her son and telling her father in heaven about it. Actually at night, I sleep declaring my healing in Jesus’ name because I believe I only have lessons to learn and this sickness will go away. I believe that by the stripes of Jesus I am healed. So I just need to declare it, believe it and I shall have it.

March 25, 2008