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Friday, November 28, 2008
IF I COULD
(lyrics from lyricsmode)
If I Could
I'd protect you from the sadness in your eyes
Give you courage in a world of compromise
Yes I would
If I could
I would teach you all the things I've never learned
And I'd help you cross the bridges that I've burned
Yes I would
If I could
I would try to shield your innocence from time
But the part of life I gave you isn't mine
I've watched you grow
So I could let you go
If I could
I would help you make it through the hungry years
But I know that I can never cry your tears
But I would
If I could
If I live in a time and place where you don't wanna be
You don't have to walk along this road with me
My yesterday won't have to be your way
If I knew
I would try to change the world I brought you to
And there isn't very much that I can do
But I would
If I could
Thursday, November 27, 2008
I will always be grateful for HIS LOVE...
Thanks to poshpost for helping me out in posting this video. =)
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
I came across this video (from youtube) when I was looking for some songs for our home church and since then, this has become one of my favorites. I truly believe that we may be a lot of things...but as Christians, we have never been unloved.
A simple story of how secured my son is of my love for him. I asked him last night, "Baby, what makes mama sad?" He replied, "When I don't listen... but you still love me mama." It made me smile knowing that at the age of 3, he is just so secured that no matter what he does, I will always love him. Before we sleep at night we, as a family, give each other goodnight hugs, kisses and I love you's. But when EJ's on his bed, I will whisper, "I will always love you baby." With his eyes closed he will respond, "I will always love you too mama." I believe those words assure him that no matter what he does, my love will never leave him.
It's the same with our God...I just know and I know and I know that deep in my heart, no matter what I've done in the past or will ever do in the days to come, He will always love me. He may get sad or hurt, but HIS LOVE will never leave me.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Ever since I became a Christian, one of the closest stories in my heart is the story of Abraham offering Isaac as a living sacrifice. Several times have I been through such experience, but never have I thought I will be placed in such a situation – of literally offering my very own son to the Lord.
It all started with my in-laws asking us if we could leave EJ for vacation here in Bacolod from February until we come back again in May. At first it sounded like a joke, the family was just teasing me because they know I wouldn’t say YES. Partly I wanted to give in to Joey’s parents request because from the start, EJ has always brought so much joy to mama, papa and to the rest of the family. Besides, I know that he will be very well taken cared of here. And of course, it’s only a vacation.
Last Friday EJ had his check-up with his doctor. He was slightly coughing so “tita doc” gave him some medication. I asked (jokingly) if it’s better he stays here while it’s very cold in China. To my surprise, she said YES. EJ would recover faster if he stays here and it won’t do him any traumatic experience since it’s only a short vacation and at his age, he can already handle such short separation. Then we visited Boksu (our church senior pastor) and asked his opinion about it. To my surprise, he also said it’s OK – again, because it’s only a short vacation. So things began to get seriously planned and the idea that it was “OK” to leave EJ in Bacolod started to scare me – oh, started to make me cry almost every hour! The idea was also “OK” with Joey for the same reason – short vacation that his parents would enjoy & it’s a good time because it’s terribly cold in China and it’s best for EJ to stay here. But as a mother, even if everybody around me said it’s OK, I can’t take it – just thinking about it flooded my eyes with tears and so last Sunday, we announced to everyone that it’s final, we’re bringing EJ to China and for the winter, I will not work – to make sure I take care of EJ or the most, work only half day. I have already asked a friend and she’s decided to come over 1st week of March to be my substitute teacher. So everything was settled – so I thought.
Ever since I was in China, I’ve had this prompting in my heart to have EJ go through an X-ray – to make sure his lungs are well. We had the check up last Friday but Ej’s pedia didn’t recommend x-ray so I thought maybe it wasn’t necessary. But then the prompting kept on so Monday morning, Joey and I decided to have the x-ray. Monday also, his cough worsened so I told his pedia that we need to see someone who can assure us that EJ’s lungs are healthy so “tita doc” referred us to a pedia pulmonologist. So this morning we had EJ checked by the pulmonologist.
A shocking news broke – EJ had primary complex (PTB in children) and that he needed to go through treatment. The doctor again told us that EJ’s body will respond better to the treatment in a tropical condition – which simply means – China isn’t the place for his treatment, but Bacolod is. Joey then decided right there and then, without any doubt, we needed to leave EJ in Bacolod. My first reaction was, if EJ will stay behind, I will too. But Joey told me to go to China and leave EJ with his parents – just as they wished – for a short vacation while it’s winter. The arrangement was we come home in May then after his cousin’s wedding, we all go back to China and continue his treatment there. That time, it’ll already be summer so the climate would be suitable to continue his treatment. I cannot accept the idea. I asked Joey to leave my passport and all other things because I’m not sure I’m going to China with him.
For hours the question, SHOULD I LEAVE EJ IN BACOLOD, kept running through my mind and tears kept falling down my cheeks every time the answer YES pops up. So I had to ask God “LORD, WHY?” I’m asking WHY not because I question God’s authority over my life, it’s not even because I resent the fact that EJ has primary complex. It’s simply a question I’m asking God because I want to sincerely understand what He wants me to learn from this. Now I know why… it’s all summarized in Abraham’s offering – Isaac – his very own flesh and blood.
“God never tells us to give up things just for the sake of giving them up, but He tells us to give them up for the sake of the only thing worth having, namely, life with Himself. It is a matter of loosening the bands that hold back our lives.” MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST
God is asking me to give up my priceless possession…my little EJ. In March 2005, God asked me to give up Joey when HE opened the way for Joey to China. I thought I wouldn’t survive that time – but by HIS GRACE, I did. Yes it was emotionally impossible for me to have survived that separation stage, because Joey became the center of my life. God got jealous so HE had to ask me to give Joey up for a certain time, to remind myself that God should be the center of my life. I understand exactly why I have to go through this phase of giving up EJ – to remind myself (again) that God should be my center, my all in all. Indeed, HE IS A JEALOUS GOD…
I know I’m guilty – EJ has become the center of my focus. But God – IS GOD. He knows that the only way for me to raise up EJ according to HIS purpose is for me firstly to be molded by HIS hand. If I can entrust my eternity to God, why can’t I entrust my son to him for 2 months? This is going to be a tough time, but I believe, HIS GRACE WILL SEE ME THROUGH.
My sacrifice is LIVING – may it be holy, pleasing and acceptable to you.