NOT ABOUT ME…

It was around 6:00pm yesterday while I was washing EJ’s bottle, when I saw the Chinese in their long sleeves and tie (men) and high-heeled shoes (women) walking home from work. Then suddenly a thought came into my mind… “Good for them, their day’s already over…Here I am, still working – as a full time homemaker, working 24 / 7.” Then I asked myself, “Is this really the kind of life I want?” To my surprise, that familiar still small voice whispered inside of me with these lines,

“Up to this point, do you still think it’s all about YOU? Do you still think you matter more than what you’re purposed to do? Is it what you want that really matters or is it what you will leave behind?

Those lines woke me up and reminded me that it’s not about me but it’s what I’m called to do, what I’m purposed to do. It’s hard to surrender, it’s difficult to trust, it’s not easy to let go of the steering wheel…but I will.

When I received Jesus into my life, He didn’t come in just as my savior, He came in as my LORD too, and as such, He deserves to be in the driver’s seat. He deserves to be the President of my heart and not just a resident. So with this, let me rephrase my question…

“Lord, is this the kind of life you want for me?”

If the answer is YES, I would gladly be a fulltime homemaker, in a strange land (China) and it won’t matter if I work round-the-clock, as long as I’m doing what He has called me to do. I will raise up a great son, who will be His ambassador.

And allow me to answer the questions that I believe God is asking me…

“Forgive me Lord for thinking it’s about ME… What I’m purposed to do and what I will leave behind is more important than what I want to do.”

God knows what’s best, and I believe where He wants me, is where He will put me. May it be in school, at home or in anywhere else, it won’t matter. I have decided in my heart, that I will trust and obey.

I want to leave behind a legacy to my son – a legacy of obedience to the call of the FATHER; a legacy of trusting an unknown future to a known God; a legacy that declares: IT’S NOT ABOUT ME, IT’S ABOUT HIM.


It’s all about YOU, Jesus
And all this is for YOU
For YOUR glory and YOUR fame
It’s not about me, as if you should do things my way
YOU alone are God and I surrender
To YOUR WILL.

June 5, 2007