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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord...

March 3, 2005, my husband and I had a little “lover’s quarrel”. The topic? Hmm... When I go back to Bacolod City, where will I stay? With my parents or with his parents? Big question. Hard to answer.

Joey was hired to work in China and with that, we have decided we both needed to leave Laguna. Yes, he’s the one going to China but I too need to resign, because I was pregnant with our first baby. All our families are in Bacolod so for my safety and his peace of mind, somebody has to make sure I’ll be fine while he’s away. Now the hardest decision we needed to settle on was “WHO WILL TAKE CARE OF MARICAR? MARICAR’S PARENTS OR JOEY’S PARENTS?” Had I not been pregnant that time, I would have gone fasting while praying! But since I were, I decided to take one day leave from work, pray and resolve this issue.

My husband and I have always made compromises whenever we face conflicting ideas. We try to meet half way or just agree to disagree if there’s no middle ground. But this time, there seems to be neither half-way nor can we agree to disagree. It’s either I stay with HIS parents or MY parents. Joey is Chinese and as such, it is their culture that the woman stays with the husband’s family, so his stand is – JOEY’S PARENTS SHOULD TAKE CARE OF MARICAR AND THE BABY WHILE HE’S AWAY. But you see, I’m a Filipina and as such, it is my culture that I stay with my biological parents while my husband is away, so my stand – MARICAR’S PARENTS SHOULD TAKE CARE OF HER AND THE BABY WHILE JOEY’S AWAY.

Strong-willed as I may be, I’ve always desired submitting to my husband because I know he loves me very much. And somehow my guiding principle was, if his will crosses my will and we can’t agree, I’ll submit. But this time, it’s just so hard to bend. Not because I dislike his parents. But it’s because I never had the chance to know them when we were boyfriends and even after we got married. From the time we graduated college until we became husband and wife, we were in Laguna. Aside from that, I wasn’t born yesterday. Stories about wife and mother-in-law or wife and sister-in-law are never exciting. There’s always that “scary” part.

How did we resolve the matter? I PRAYED, really PRAYED. When we got married, one line in my marriage vow that I said was “I shall submit to you as to the Lord. I shall respect your authority as the head of our family”. God brought me to that day I made my vow and so with that, I surrendered my will. Not because I felt Joey was right, but because I trusted the authority that God gave him as the head of our household.

That night when Joey came home from work, I hugged him and told him that I’m staying with his parents. I only requested for one thing, that my in-laws will allow my mother to stay with me for 2 weeks after I give birth. He said yes. Then we called his parents and told them I’m staying with them.

Now here I am, after 2 years of being with my in-laws… I’m glad to tell you that my husband made a wise decision. My in-laws have really been a blessing to my son Elisha and me. I not only have extra hands when I’m tired, but my son gets extra love, and that’s what I’m really thankful for. My mother-in-law and my sister-in-law have somehow become my best companions in raising EJ. They’ve become my best friends. My father-in-law and brothers-in-law stood as Elisha's male role models in the absence of Joey. I’m sure glad I chose to submit to my husband, even when I didn’t feel like it. You should too.

MARCH 19, 2007

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